Life going on..

Has it been 3 weeks!? We are starting to settle in as well as can be expected.  First of all I have to address a question that since my last post has gotten me several emails and facebook messages!...  She did cut her hair, 6", about a week after we got home.  She can no longer sit on her hair, but it does still pass her waistline.  We bought a big clip thing that she really loves and twists her hair up in everyday.  It only looks shorter but is still all there and very long. 

There are definitely challenges still. There are boundaries being challenged, by all of the kids! I have the added fun of the 'testing the Mom' excitement. She is really pushing me to see how I will respond to things. I don't even think it is a conscience thing for her. It's pretty obvious for me though. We have the same confrontations. I think that on some strange level she likes me reminding her to do things. It's like she wants me to pay enough attention to her to notice that she isn't changing her socks or hasn't brushed her teeth. She whines about it, but it sort of feels like she likes it.

Victoria still hates any sort of change. She absolutely without any doubt hates to go anywhere! Once we are at the destination (depending on if it's boring shopping or visiting family) she opens up and really enjoys herself. We just still have to struggle to go anywhere. We had a family home evening at my parents last night and she did not hide the fact that she did not want to go. She was very forceful and loud and whiney about it even! It maybe took 90 seconds for her to start enjoying herself, and she was darling and fun the entire time we were there! Jeckyl and Hyde! I would like to just point out..  Vika is 16 years old.  My son Ethan and his cousin Riley who are next to her are both 8 years old..  yea, she's small!

 She got very excited about the hunting.  She was everyone's 'helper.'  As soon as she was finished she was searching to help everyone else find their eggs. 

 My Mom, my Heidi, Vika, and Syd.  Cute girls on a very nice spring day!

 Spencer is always the 'egg hider.'  This year my Mom hid some of the eggs before he came.  He loves the job.

 I had to catch Ethan to get a picture of his face.  He is very good at avoiding the camera.  He always has a good time when we go visiting people and family.

 After the hunt a grass fight broke out between Spen and Vika.  He always wins.  She made a few good plays, but really didn't stand much of a chance.  He sure doesn't go easy on her!  She loves it.

 My baby egg hunter only lasted a few minutes until he hunted out the swing set. 

We are still struggling very severely with English. I don't even think it's the actual language as it is the resisting to try. The more I think about it the more I think it is the only thing in her world she feels she has complete control over. She knows how desperately we want her to try and she knows that we can't make her learn it. We can make her sit at a desk with books and flashcards, but there isn't a shred of desire to try at this point. That is by far my biggest frustration.

Ethan is getting better with his emotional struggles. He adores Vika. I overheard him talking to his buddies about how awesome his big sister is. He was telling them about how funny she is and that she is extra ticklish. He's amazing. He loves her without expecting one morsel of anything in return. He started his machine pitch baseball this week. He did great his first game. The team won! He even got a hit! I was so happy. He has improved over the winter. I suppose just getting older can help with that sort of thing. I think he actually likes more than just the 'costume' this season too! That makes taking him to practices and games a lot more fun.

 
Mason is magical. Without trying, or I should say, without doing anything more than being his happy loving self he is softening our new little girl. She watches him. He doesn't care and it doesn't change how he acts. She watches people with him. She sees how people look at him when we are out. She sees how her brothers and family treat him even when people are watching. It's a big change for her to understand - culturally. There have been little moments where she has, without me prompting her, made a small gesture towards him. It is HUGE. He's much stronger and probably bigger than she is so she probably won't be lifting him around much, but the fact that she tucks his puppy in with him after I have put him to bed is big for me. I cry. Mason is wonderful. We had his IEP today and the thing that was consistently talked about and discussed at length from his providers is how wonderful he is. How charming and engaging he his. The kids in his school and his class absolutely adore him. They all want to sit by him and they talk to their families about their friend Mason. He is wonderful and I know that I am so blessed to have him alive with me today because he has a mission, and he is really good at that mission!

Ezra is a whirlwind. He is my shadow. We do everything together. His language is getting so good. He can tell me now when he thinks my dinner is, "disgusting mommy" and that is important! He loves knowing what everyone is doing and where they are. He comes and reports to me if I am in a different room. He still barges in on Vika and she is getting better at having him. She really shows her true affectionate side with him. He loves to hug her and I think she really likes that he loves to hug her! He wants to be in school more than anything. He is my comic relief. I love our alone time. I'm trying to savor it all before school ends.

I think I may have lost my readers with my long absences between posts, but if you are still reading this, thank you for all of your support. I run into people at the grocery store that have been reading my blog because a friend's neighbor's cousin knows someone who told her about it! It's been fun to have the support from our community with our life changing adoption.

To be completely honest, this is still hard. It will be, but we are adjusting to the hard and we have a better idea of what our days are going to be like. We have a 3 week old and we are still trying to see what works and what doesn't! The best part is that we do have moments when we see very clearly pieces of her that are starting to come out and remind us why this is worth it. She lets herself open up just a little bit and it helps me get through the hard times. There are definitely hard times! I'm not sure if it is a good thing, but at least I'm just a bit more stubborn than she is! I find myself having to go in my closet for a little 'breath' sometimes (that is code for a little cry alone!). Weird enough it really helps and I can breathe and relax and get a handle on myself and gear up to go out and face whatever is challenging me. The lucky part is that sometimes now I get the teary moments when I need to take a moment because I get so overwhelmed at how truly amazing this whole thing is. I am so blessed to have the faith and the support to know that even when this is hard it will all be OK and work out. This is one of those moments that I will never forget. A life changing- life learning moment.