Summer Visit from Jen~

Ever since Ezra's birth mother moved very far away we have missed being able to talk to her and see her often.  We were lucky enough that she came this way this summer with her son and stopped by for a visit.  Ethan loves having them around because he and Dyson are the same age and they both like to play the same things.  Ezra loves being included with the big boys. 

 Ezra thinks it's great to have visitors for him.  He kind of loves the attention of it!

 Ezra and Jen.  He was more interested in playing with the boys and eating bubbles than visiting.  At least he's entertaining to watch.  He is one cute kid.

The past few weeks..

Has anyone out there ever used Rosetta Stone?  My friend gave me the Russian one and the activation code wouldn't work, so after a few weeks that is finally up and running for me.  We just bought the English one for Victoria.  She gets pretty frustrated by it, but I'm hoping that it is something for her to use and practice to improve her English.  She is HATING learning English.  It's funny (not really in the laughing way) because when we ask her about it she says she really likes learning English and is excited to learn and speak.  This is a lesson in believing actions over words.  I was explaining that to her yesterday when we were having a 'conversation' about her resistance to learning or speaking English.  She honestly believes that she is doing everything that she can to learn the language.  I see things very differently!  We had a discussion about a lot of things actually.

 Things seem to be overall improving.  I think that time will do the trick in our case.  I just hope that we have enough of it.  I am starting to really panic over the summer.  What in the world am I going to do?!  Victoria gets bored while we are playing games or watching movies! We did have the opportunity to go and visit one of her friends from Matveevka orphanage who happened to be adopted the week before she was to a family who lives just over an hour away.  She really liked that.  They have fun calling and talking on the phone.  I just wish I knew what they were saying!

 A lot has happened around here these past few weeks.  The biggest news right now is that my Mason is now 7.  I really can't explain how that happened.  My preemie newborn tiny baby boy who was never supposed to make it through his first few months, and then would never make it to a year, then to 2 years, etc. is now in fact 7!  He's my safe place.  I am at least Ethan and Victoria's safe place right now, maybe even Ezra's, but when I need to just feel better and talk to someone who won't judge what I am saying and will just give me the love I need I go to Mason.  It may be a big burden to place on such a young man, but he seems to be handling it with a smile! 

 Mason is nearly always happy.  He likes to entertain himself, but he loves to play.  He is very social and loves his teachers and friends at school and church.  His happy place is in a doorway.  He loves himself a good door.  He's a lot of fun to watch.   

 I really love it when he gets all chatty and just jabbers while he plays.  It makes your heart warm and happy to see him happy and it just breaks your heart to see him sad.  His emotions are so pure and real that you can't help get sucked into them.  He is our angel.   

 Mason's aunt Karie helped him open his presents this year.  He really liked that I think.

 I have mentioned before that I think my kids are magic.  I really do.  It's weird how they can be so welcoming and look past the obvious and the things that may be intimidating to some and can just see the potential.  I think that Mason is the mastermind behind the magic act.  He is the one who can teach people how to open up and be themselves.  He makes it easy to love if you just give him the chance to teach you.  He has already changed Victoria.  It's amazing. 

 The other great news around here is that both Mason and Victoria have been accepted into Shriner's Hospital.  That basically means that they will be treated and taken care of free of charge to our family.  I won't go into details about why Vika is being seen there because she is a bit embarrassed and overwhelmed by it all, but Mason is hopefully being seen in the Cerebral Palsy clinic as well as Orthopedics and Equipment!  This was big for us.

 Mason makes a lot of friends and as a benefit of being his mom I get to know some of the most amazing people.  There is one person who is going to school to become a physical therapist who volunteers his time and comes to our home to stretch and work with Mason every week.  That in itself is a huge blessing for me and for Mason.  He is putting together a fundraiser 5K run for our family to benefit and assist us in paying back our 3 adoption loans!  I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  What a blessing for our family.  We really did just follow our hearts and felt truly inspired to do everything we could to get to Ukraine to ask Victoria to be a part of our family but now we are trying to pay for it!  I'm sure I will post more information about the 5K, but keep it in mind to join us and spread the word.  It is scheduled to take place on July 16th.  Please, please, please come! 

Ethan is doing great with his baseball.  It's so much fun for me to go and watch him play.  I think that he gets bored sometimes in the outfield and has a hard time staying interested in the entire game, but that should come, right?!  He's very excited for summer and swim team.  I am looking for a place to take him for private lessons a few times to help him improve his strokes.  Let me know if you know anyone.

Ezra loves to go watch baseball.  He really wants to play and practices at home with his bat and his tee.

 Victoria isn't really a big baseball fan yet.  At least we get her there!

 Ezra is the Tasmanian devil.  He is everywhere!  He is so much fun and so adorable though that I hardly notice the destruction that follows him.  He is my little shadow and I can't tell you enough how amazing it is to be home and not have to leave him for work.  I love it.  I adore this little boy and can't get enough of him. 

 It's nice to have a minute to sit and write about what we are up to.  I feel sad that I can't write daily blog updates anymore.  Life is taking up a lot of my time!  I am hopeful that we can stick to our new plans for practicing English.  I copied my friend's idea of using poker chips as 'money/time' but put my own spin on it.  I have given her a poker chip for every 30 minutes she practices English.  I have a few items that she really wants and have put a price in 'English minutes' on them.  It hasn't really taken off yet because the price for the thing she wants the very most is pretty steep and it feels daunting right now.  I hope that it works for her though. We are also trying to have a better attitude about young women's!  This week they gave all of the girls these aprons.  She wasn't very nice about them because she didn't really like it, but she put it on and smiled for the pictures.  (That was a huge step of progress by the way!)

I've been thinking a lot today about my new friends who are in Ukraine right now and some that are just preparing to start this process in the next week.  I am so happy to be past the stage they are in, but even this recent I am oddly a bit jealous of them going to Ukraine!  It's a surprising feeling for me to have, I must admit!  I didn't think I would like the thought of going back there for years, but it only took me a month.

I suppose I should check on the fans drying out the flood in the basement for now.  I've decided to make a bigger effort to get to my blog more often.  Thanks for reading.

Life going on..

Has it been 3 weeks!? We are starting to settle in as well as can be expected.  First of all I have to address a question that since my last post has gotten me several emails and facebook messages!...  She did cut her hair, 6", about a week after we got home.  She can no longer sit on her hair, but it does still pass her waistline.  We bought a big clip thing that she really loves and twists her hair up in everyday.  It only looks shorter but is still all there and very long. 

There are definitely challenges still. There are boundaries being challenged, by all of the kids! I have the added fun of the 'testing the Mom' excitement. She is really pushing me to see how I will respond to things. I don't even think it is a conscience thing for her. It's pretty obvious for me though. We have the same confrontations. I think that on some strange level she likes me reminding her to do things. It's like she wants me to pay enough attention to her to notice that she isn't changing her socks or hasn't brushed her teeth. She whines about it, but it sort of feels like she likes it.

Victoria still hates any sort of change. She absolutely without any doubt hates to go anywhere! Once we are at the destination (depending on if it's boring shopping or visiting family) she opens up and really enjoys herself. We just still have to struggle to go anywhere. We had a family home evening at my parents last night and she did not hide the fact that she did not want to go. She was very forceful and loud and whiney about it even! It maybe took 90 seconds for her to start enjoying herself, and she was darling and fun the entire time we were there! Jeckyl and Hyde! I would like to just point out..  Vika is 16 years old.  My son Ethan and his cousin Riley who are next to her are both 8 years old..  yea, she's small!

 She got very excited about the hunting.  She was everyone's 'helper.'  As soon as she was finished she was searching to help everyone else find their eggs. 

 My Mom, my Heidi, Vika, and Syd.  Cute girls on a very nice spring day!

 Spencer is always the 'egg hider.'  This year my Mom hid some of the eggs before he came.  He loves the job.

 I had to catch Ethan to get a picture of his face.  He is very good at avoiding the camera.  He always has a good time when we go visiting people and family.

 After the hunt a grass fight broke out between Spen and Vika.  He always wins.  She made a few good plays, but really didn't stand much of a chance.  He sure doesn't go easy on her!  She loves it.

 My baby egg hunter only lasted a few minutes until he hunted out the swing set. 

We are still struggling very severely with English. I don't even think it's the actual language as it is the resisting to try. The more I think about it the more I think it is the only thing in her world she feels she has complete control over. She knows how desperately we want her to try and she knows that we can't make her learn it. We can make her sit at a desk with books and flashcards, but there isn't a shred of desire to try at this point. That is by far my biggest frustration.

Ethan is getting better with his emotional struggles. He adores Vika. I overheard him talking to his buddies about how awesome his big sister is. He was telling them about how funny she is and that she is extra ticklish. He's amazing. He loves her without expecting one morsel of anything in return. He started his machine pitch baseball this week. He did great his first game. The team won! He even got a hit! I was so happy. He has improved over the winter. I suppose just getting older can help with that sort of thing. I think he actually likes more than just the 'costume' this season too! That makes taking him to practices and games a lot more fun.

 
Mason is magical. Without trying, or I should say, without doing anything more than being his happy loving self he is softening our new little girl. She watches him. He doesn't care and it doesn't change how he acts. She watches people with him. She sees how people look at him when we are out. She sees how her brothers and family treat him even when people are watching. It's a big change for her to understand - culturally. There have been little moments where she has, without me prompting her, made a small gesture towards him. It is HUGE. He's much stronger and probably bigger than she is so she probably won't be lifting him around much, but the fact that she tucks his puppy in with him after I have put him to bed is big for me. I cry. Mason is wonderful. We had his IEP today and the thing that was consistently talked about and discussed at length from his providers is how wonderful he is. How charming and engaging he his. The kids in his school and his class absolutely adore him. They all want to sit by him and they talk to their families about their friend Mason. He is wonderful and I know that I am so blessed to have him alive with me today because he has a mission, and he is really good at that mission!

Ezra is a whirlwind. He is my shadow. We do everything together. His language is getting so good. He can tell me now when he thinks my dinner is, "disgusting mommy" and that is important! He loves knowing what everyone is doing and where they are. He comes and reports to me if I am in a different room. He still barges in on Vika and she is getting better at having him. She really shows her true affectionate side with him. He loves to hug her and I think she really likes that he loves to hug her! He wants to be in school more than anything. He is my comic relief. I love our alone time. I'm trying to savor it all before school ends.

I think I may have lost my readers with my long absences between posts, but if you are still reading this, thank you for all of your support. I run into people at the grocery store that have been reading my blog because a friend's neighbor's cousin knows someone who told her about it! It's been fun to have the support from our community with our life changing adoption.

To be completely honest, this is still hard. It will be, but we are adjusting to the hard and we have a better idea of what our days are going to be like. We have a 3 week old and we are still trying to see what works and what doesn't! The best part is that we do have moments when we see very clearly pieces of her that are starting to come out and remind us why this is worth it. She lets herself open up just a little bit and it helps me get through the hard times. There are definitely hard times! I'm not sure if it is a good thing, but at least I'm just a bit more stubborn than she is! I find myself having to go in my closet for a little 'breath' sometimes (that is code for a little cry alone!). Weird enough it really helps and I can breathe and relax and get a handle on myself and gear up to go out and face whatever is challenging me. The lucky part is that sometimes now I get the teary moments when I need to take a moment because I get so overwhelmed at how truly amazing this whole thing is. I am so blessed to have the faith and the support to know that even when this is hard it will all be OK and work out. This is one of those moments that I will never forget. A life changing- life learning moment.

Easter Weekend Recap ~ 2 weeks home!

I know, I know.. Have I dropped of the face of the earth?! I don't think I ever imagined how busy I would be and how fast time would fly by. Things are going very well at our house right now. I say right now mostly because it is night-time and that is strangely our best time of day. Mornings are hopefully improving. Now that school is in the picture I don't think there is much option and thankfully we don't have a fight over going to school with Victoria.


My boys are doing better. The dramatic change really threw them. It's funny because they immediately were head-over-heals about Victoria. They have loved her from the moment we skyped them and told them she said she wanted us to adopt her. They never had to even meet her to love her. Kids are amazing. My kids are very amazing. I kind of think they are magic. They are somehow softening Vika up and opening up layers of her fun personality that I don't think we ever would have seen otherwise.

I think I should back up with what we have been doing since I last posted. I have a few pictures from our annual Easter Egg Launch.  I think the total number of colored and boiled eggs that came to the launch was around 16 dozen.  That's a lot of eggs.

 Ethan was very excited about going.  He loves this tradition.

 That was a very fun morning. It was very cold but is always worth it. This year was different in the sense that there were breaks in the launching. The kids played other egg games with the Easter Eggs.

Vika wouldn't try to launch any eggs unless we absolutely made her. She is funny because she really seems very comfortable around my extended family. Ethan did much better at his launching distance this year. Ezra loved it, but I think my child that has the most fun and laughs and giggles and loves it the most is Mason. He's not fond of the waiting around for his turn part of things, but when that boy gets to launch an egg off a cliff he laughs until he turns blue. It's priceless.

 
 The whole family there for the fun.  I still don't feel like I am old enough or smart enough to have 4 kids.  I keep hoping that comes soon!

For Easter we woke up and the kids found the baskets that the Easter Bunny had hidden. Ethan was really the only one who had any idea of what in the world was happening. He found his 2nd, Spencer found Mason's basket to show Vika what we were doing wandering around the house following the kids with cameras! She found Ezra's and got really excited about knowing where his was. It took her a while and a lot of hints from Spencer, but finally she found her basket. The Easter Bunny did a great job this year.  Ezra was mostly interested in the eggs that were hidden.  He found some of those fast and discovered that there were treats inside of them.  We couldn't get him interested in hunting anymore after that.

 Ethan was very excited to find his Easter basket.  It was a very fun morning.  I love spending fun times together.

 Even though she is very new to all of this, Vika sure kept up with the other kids (mostly Ethan!) all of the Easter traditional fun we have.  All of the money she and Ethan found in their plastic eggs they decided to put in their 'Bunny fund.'  O great.

 Ezra couldn't slow down enough to wait for me to take his picture.  This is as good as it gets for him when there are presents or treats involved!

 All of the kids with their Easter Baskets.  Awww.

A few days before Easter Vika was trying to show Spencer the Easter tradition she wanted us to try. It was a bread-type thing called Paska. I really am very confused with what it really is actually. I thought it was bread, but now I am thinking that there is a bread and some sort of cheese sculpture thing that accompanies it and the cheese is what is called 'paska.' Honestly I have no idea. I found a recipe from a fellow adoptive parent who already made it and said it wasn't too hard and after we had breakfast Sunday I attempted to make it. It wasn't hard at all, but it sure took a lot of time~! I was excited with how they looked and was hopeful that I got it right for her. She seemed pleased with it before we left to my sister's house for dinner. Naturally after dinner when we started cutting it up she refused to try it or have anything to do with it! I'm just hoping I get points for the effort somewhere!  This is what it looked like just out of the oven.  I forgot I would end up frosting it when I was busily decorating the tops. 

 Complete with egg white frosting.  Not particularly a sweet cake, but it tasted like bread with frosting and I suppose that's what it's supposed to be!

Monday Vika started her first day of high school.

She actually admitted her nerves as we walked in. We were a bit late, but that didn't really bother her. We found a map and went to her first class. Her schedule is a very elective-filled schedule with barely any content, but honestly the education of anything other than the English is not what I am going for! She started the day in Foods. Her other classes are Drawing, Aerobics, Seminary, Chorus, and 3 English as a 2nd language classes. We walked to her class and I walked her in to introduce her to the teacher. It was pandemonium in that room. They were separated into groups making scones and at one point we got to witness the smothering of a grease fire. That is one way to instill confidence in a mother who is really unsure of leaving her daughter in a classroom with no way to communicate with anyone!

I left her there with a group of students and went back to talk with the counselor who is helping us with Vika. He made arrangements at my request to have a member of the student council be assigned to Vika for the day to walk her from class to class and make sure that she doesn't get too lost! I really think that will help. The girls who are befriending her seem very nice. She had a great first day from what I could gather from her when I went to pick her up. I know she was terrified because when we came home she dropped. She literally slept for 4 hours! I was relieved to know she enjoyed herself.

The rest of the week has been pretty routine which honestly feels nice.

We have had our moments with each of our kids where we have to win the battle of wills, but it's feeling more normal. Not totally normal, but more normal.

I am enjoying being home for my days rather than going to work and leaving my Ezra with a babysitter for the day. He is so funny and fun to be with. He gets so excited about everything. I love it. Mason has been stressed at times, but he is doing great. I went to his school with Ezra for a little visit and we were able to watch him in his 'pony-walker.' That boy can sure cruise around the halls at school in that thing. I am still very sensitive and emotional so you know I cried at the sight of him. He is so darling and so inspiring to watch. I just think when I see him that if he can live his life with a smile on his face, I have no room to complain. Too bad I still do... Something to work on I suppose.

Ethan started his baseball season. I really think that he only kind of likes it, but he does it and we love to watch him. He is such a smart kid. He loves to tell bedtime stories lately and I am loving hearing his imagination come through.

Ezra is my child who loves to have his picture taken.  We have had some fun times together.  He especially loved driving Big Bird at Walmart today.

 This face is one of the reason's I am not missing Ukraine.  They don't have this face there.

 Ezra wanted to tuck Mason into bed tonight.  I suppose he is taking over for Ethan now that he is sharing a room with Mason.  Ethan decided that 3 brothers in one little room was too much for him.  He wanted some space so he moved downstairs to his own room.  Mason sure misses him.  I'm sure he understands though.

Someday Spencer and I will spend more than a fleeting moment together. I'm sure by then we will have another crazy thing to be blogging about! It's been a good week and I hate to admit the weekend scares me, but I'm sure we'll do great. I'm still in the one hour at a time mode. I'll make it that far though, I'm just sure of it!

Recovering and Adjusting

I can't believe how time has been flying. It's crazy to think that I have been home for 11 days now and I haven't blogged a thing! I actually haven't sat down at a computer to do anything more than use google translate!


We are having good times and bad times here at home. It is a lot different than I had expected. I really honestly didn't know what to expect by things. I will most definitely admit that it is difficult. I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that there are so many moments that we could use to talk things through and actually get to know more about her and start addressing some of the issues we are faced with by there is a language barrier. I know that everyone out there is thinking, "I know someone who speaks Russian that can translate!" Thank you for the suggestions by the way, but there are some moments that get lost and left behind in trying to find a way to communicate. There really isn't a way to get that moment back when you get a person on the phone. It's weird. Calling someone and saying something like, "she was sad last night, can you ask her why?" She is over it and is fine by the time we can actually do anything about it. When you are trying to explain that she needs to change her socks it's much easier to just take care of it rather than find someone who wants to be the stern mother voice on the other end of a phone to say, 'Mom says you have to change your socks.' Anyway. I keep hearing that the language will come fast and I'm hopeful. I'm not going to allow myself to get too discouraged over that. I do get frustrated when I can understand exactly what she is saying in Russian and I know she knows the English but refuses to use it! It may take longer just because she is embarrassed to try and get it wrong.

We came home in the middle of Spring break for our kids at home so life was not the ordinary life we were hoping to acclimate her to. She got very comfortable spending long days in bed or in her room. The boys are very excited to have a sister and would and still do go in to be with her. I have not made any part of the house off limits to any one of the kids. We are working on knocking and I did suggest she lock the door when she showers or uses the bathroom!

We tried a few times to go and play at the park during Spring Break.

 The kids really had fun, Mason and I were freezing.

 Vika liked to play by herself.  This was still very early on and wasn't really interested in being around the boys yet!

 Ezra was adorable.  He loved the park.  I will have to go there a bunch when I get all three kids in school and have the free hands to be attentive!~

 Our Spring Break consisted of little outings and 'out to lunches.'  Figuring out what she will eat for lunch is a big challenge.  I have determined that for the first week home going out to a place where she can point is really the best way to get Vika to eat.  My other kids sure loved it too!  Ethan said to me, "Mom, this is the best Spring Break ever!  We go out to eat so much for Spring Break.  It's the best!"  Obviously we don't get out much.

This past week has been spent enrolling Victoria in High School and getting her a physical and immunizations up to date. Just say it, you're jealous of all the fun! We finally have a schedule and she will start on Monday. She is not excited. She's so funny, when I ask her if she's OK, or if she's nervous she tells me she's fine. When we were at school yesterday and had an interpreter walking around with us showing her the school and her classrooms and her teachers she kept telling him that she doesn't want to go to school. But if I ask her she does! I'll believe what she says right to me on this one!

I'm hoping that she is starting to warm up to the boys. Ethan and Ezra especially adore her. They are her shadows. She is beginning to smile when Ezra comes in to find her and is starting to play with Ethan and laugh at his silliness. He asks her how to say all sorts of things in Russian and she loves it when he tries to say them. He actually has the best pronunciation of all of us.

My family and friends put a fabulous shower together for Victoria this week. Thank you to all of you who came to meet her and support our efforts in getting her outfitted! We were given clothes, hair products and accessories, and wonderful gift cards for when she decides that shopping isn't really that bad! We actually went and used some of them to get a few items we registered for from Target and Kohls to expand her wardrobe. The other great thing we have been receiving are hand-me-downs! I love them. We have had a lot of success finding things from neighbors, cousins, and friends who have brought things over for her. Thank you so much for thinking of us! Now if I can just get her to be brave enough to wear something different we will be making progress!

We've had water fights, Saturday chores, yard work, errands, shopping, and all sorts of regular American family things. She takes some convincing but has fun once we force her to! She and Ethan are really pushing us to get them a bunny. (Thank you so much for that one Caroline and girls!) She begs me for a bunny and I keep telling her not until she can talk to me more. I really am not a pet kind of mother. I am struggling taking care of the kids, I'm not sure adding a pet is in the cards for my sanity right now!

Spencer is definitly the 'fun' parent right now.  I get to be the one who implements all of the not-so-fun changes.  I'm OK with that for now.  He can get her laughing as well as Ethan can, almost.

 Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have 3 great boys that are so welcoming and eager to have a new sister?  They are truly amazing to watch.  Ethan treats her like she has always been here.  I love that I don't have to worry about that part of the transition.

 How great is it to see this face every day!?  I love being home.

Last night was spent coloring Easter Eggs in preparation for the big Egg Launch today. Every Easter we take our brightly colored and painted eggs to the shooting range up in the mountains and launch them off a ravine with a water balloon sling. It's a tradition we kept from Spencer's best friends'. We love it. She wasn't so sure about it, but I know she had a good time with the family. That is one thing I have to be grateful for. My family is very good with her and very sincerely wants to have her be a part of everything. She is shy and stubborn but they are great to work with her to open her up a little bit. In fact as I finally am having time to write and update my blog she is with my cute sis-in-law running errands. Again, she took some encouraging, but she's with her and I know she'll have a great time.

I'm really wishing that I had a good recipe for a cake she keeps talking about having for Easter. We found a picture of it online, but can't seem to find a recipe that will match a picture of what she is talking about. We'll have a great day I'm sure. I'm excited.

We've had our moments that have definitely made it clear that life here is different. Having parents is much different than not having them. She still isn't understanding what being a part of a family is suppose to be, but we'll get there very slowly. At dinner time we all sit around the table to eat together and even though we have some slow poke eaters we stay there together to visit and eat for at least that one meal then we all clean up together. She doesn't understand that and can't understand us. When she eats a meal she finishes and clears her plate and disappears into her bedroom. We of course have always collected her to come and help with the family dinner clean up efforts and she has gotten better about helping until we are finished. I realized that she is slowly picking things up when one night after clearing her plate she hesitated at the hallway and chose to come back and sit with us at the table. Ethan was perfect and said something like, 'Vika, you came back! We like having you with us!' I know this is a process and will be very slow, but thankfully we have moments that remind us why in the world we did this!

I was explaining it to my dad when he asked me a question like, 'are you still glad you did this? ' and 'is it a lot harder than you thought?' It's really the best explanation I have come up with so I think I will share it here.

My mother had major - really major - shoulder surgery about 12 weeks ago. The doctors warned her that it would be very painful and there would be a very long recovery. In fact, she would be next to if not completely immobile for a few weeks. She would require around the clock care and need constant supervision to help her with her pain and her day to day activities for a few weeks. After a few weeks of complete misery she would start to visit a physical therapist and he would help her regain some of her motion. Again, this would not be easy. It would be very painful to get herself completely recovered. She would never be the exact same as she was before the surgery, but after the recovery time she would feel better than she did before going into surgery. Hopefully!

On the day of her surgery my dad took my mother to the hospital, registered her and with smiles on their faces and a plan in place willingly signed the consent form to begin this long road to hopefully a better life for my mom. The surgeon did his thing and when she came out she was in more pain than she had ever been in. She had been warned, but how can you prepare yourself for something like that? You can't. You can try to understand what it would be like, but until actually doing it you have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into! Then the initial painkillers wear off and you think, 'This is much harder than I thought it would be.' But there is one catch, you can't really undo the surgery and change your mind. This is something that you will get through whether you like it or not. About five weeks after her surgery is when I left for Ukraine. She was still in a sling full time and not yet lifting much more than a very light notebook. Now at around twelve weeks she is much more improved, she is lifting more and able to push herself a little harder each day. She really did have to take things slow and easy at first, but now there seems to be hope for some kind of normalcy.

Well, I willingly went in and signed the forms and asked for this new challenge. I had been warned of the challenges that could lie ahead, but really there is no way to prepare yourself for something like this. There is no one who can tell you exactly what will happen and hopefully in time there will be a full recovery. I'm only 11 days in my recovery period, and so is she! It's still hard. It still hurts. I am still wishing that there was some sort of 'painkiller' or relief that I could get from how hard things seem to be right now. I think it's OK that it's hard. Knowing the pain and heartache of the hard will only make the happy and good of the recovery feel so much better. I know that we will get through this. I don't regret it one split second. I know that this was the step our family needed to make at this exact time and I feel at peace knowing that I did everything in my power to make it happen. It was hard. Things will never be exactly how they were before we went into this adventure, but all we can hope for is that they will feel better than they did before we started. I know they will. They always are.