Ninth day of our Waiting Period ~ Day 24

Now that I am living with Kim time seems to be flying by faster than before. It is 2:00 pm before we even realize it. We just are slow to get moving and do much else other than visit. We did realize some things in this apartment that we miss from other apartments, but the 2 rooms and the Internet access wins over bathroom space and shower size. This morning was a sad morning for me realizing that the knitting project I had been working on for days was the wrong size and I had to unravel it all and start over. That may not seem like a big deal for some of you, but the ones who knit know how sad that can be!

We made homemade crepes for breakfast with candied cooked apples and yogurt. It was delicious. I haven’t eaten a big breakfast since well before we left to come here. It was about lunchtime when we ate, but I am counting it as breakfast!

We made it to the Internat (Orphanage) around 2:30. I was feeling a bit bad because we had told Vika and her brother yesterday that we would be there at 2:00. They were waiting and we immediately went in to find Larissa (the Internat director) to ask her permission for Victoria to join me and Artoym on a walk to the Matveevka Cemetery to visit the graves of their grandparents and their father. She thankfully agreed. The cemetery is located about a kilometer from the Internat. We could see it from the road on our drive there and it really didn’t look so big, until they explained that this was a newer section of the cemetery.

I cannot begin to explain the vastness of this cemetery. There were acres upon acres of monuments (that’s what they call them) /headstones. It was nothing like I have ever seen before.

 Artoym explained that the families are the caregivers of the graves and they are meant to maintain them and how they look. He kept apologizing for not having them cleaned off. He told me stories of his grandparents. Victoria watched me for my reaction as he talked.

She didn’t really say much. I asked a few questions about their grandparents. He told me that up until their grandpa died he looked very young. He received something similar to a war pension I think and when the postman went to deliver it and found such a young looking person he refused to leave the check with him. He showed him identification and the postman still wouldn’t deliver his check to him saying he wasn’t old enough. He set off from there to find their father’s grave. I asked Victoria if she had ever been here before and she said ‘yes, but not for a really long time.’

We found their father’s grave. Artoym explained that he has wanted to replace his headstone/wooden cross with a monument for their father but couldn’t afford to. He apologized for the way it looked. I actually thought it was all very nice. Victoria explained that she remembered her father, but couldn’t really remember any memories with him. She was 5 years old when he passed away.

Looking back now I am wishing I would have just grilled him with questions, but at the time the moment didn’t call for that sort of thing. We were silent for a long time.

I asked Victoria if there was anything she would like to do or see here before we left. I asked her if there were any pictures she would want for the future because it would be a very long time before she could (if ever) come back here. She kind of blew that question off. Artoym wouldn’t let her get away without really thinking about it. I can’t stress enough how impressed I am with him. He is such a great man.

After standing there and taking pictures I asked them if they would like a moment alone together here. They both seemed appreciative of that.

Yana and I took a walk and she told me more about the traditions they have for their dead. Artoym explained that families come to visit and leave and bring food and vodka on the graveside of their loved one. Yana interjected that when she visits her father’s grave she takes him cigarettes, sometimes she lights one for him even. He thought this was a silly tradition as he believes the soul is taken to heaven or hell and does not linger around waiting for gifts at their graveside! We saw several monuments with full glasses.

We came upon a very new grave. The person had been buried the day before and had died the day before that. Yana was telling me that a person is usually buried the day after they die here.

She pointed out that a lot of people erect monuments for themselves before they have died. She explained that when her uncle died her aunt put her monument up at the same time she put his up. It was strange to visit her uncle’s grave having a monument with her aunt’s picture already standing there. She thought it was very funny that her aunt goes to a cemetery and has her own picture already placed there.

They were all very interested in how cemeteries differ in America. Artoym told me of a section of the cemetery that belongs to local gypsies. He explained how they believe that when a person dies they get to take with them whatever belongings they are buried with. That is why they are entombed in concrete, to protect their afterlife belongings from thieves.

On our walk back to the main road I asked Artoym to give me the whole story of how they both ended up in the Internat. That was very interesting to hear. He was very candid with me regarding his family life. It was interesting to me how embarrassed he was about the maintenance of the graves for his dad and grandparents but very confident to tell me about his mother and the circumstances of their lives. He has overcome quite a lot and mentioned repeatedly how grateful he is for us to give Victoria a chance and to take her away from this life. He is sad to see her leave but is relieved to not have to worry about her future.

As I was walking with Yana I kept getting so overwhelmed and emotional. I was trying to explain to her how I feel sort of guilty taking her away from her history and especially from Artoym. I’ve been glad she has had some time to mentally adjust to the thought of leaving. She seems ready to just get out of here, but I know that it is important for her to have a few last days with her brother and her friends. We walked him to the main road and parted ways. He said he has a long walk home from here. I hugged him goodbye.

I asked Victoria as we walked if she is getting nervous about coming to America. She looked at me with one of my favorite looks and asked, “Why would I be nervous?” ummm… I really wanted her to understand that this was a big thing that she was doing and so I told her that if I were her I would be nervous to leave everything I know, my family, my friends, my language to go to another country to start over. She just said she is ready to leave here and excited to start over. I am hopeful she keeps that attitude because it will be hard for her and for all of us at times!

It was a nice walk. I was glad to get out of the Internat for a little break from the monotonous normal there. It was very fun to see the people out of their homes cleaning their yards preparing for spring. They all use their yards to plant gardens. I know I would love to see this place in a few months when all of the gardens and trees are filled in. I’m convinced I wouldn’t recognize it. (Not really a bad thing!)

I’ve never been so grateful to see spring coming around before. This place really is very gloomy and dark feeling. I don’t think it’s just the weather either. Today was really my first day of feeling like there was life around me. Ironic because I spent the majority of my day in a cemetery! Seeing people outside working in their yards together and seeing the tulips starting to come up was nice. It is a very big contrast to what I am used to.

After arriving back at the Internat I made Vika walk me around the grounds, finally! I have been asking her to walk me around since we arrived. She was pretty annoyed that I wanted to walk up to everything and take pictures. I told her I understood that she sees this place every day and I know it is uninteresting to her, but I am very interested and curious to see the place where she lives. It is important to me. She was a bit more cooperative then, but still didn’t understand my picture taking. That’s when I made her be in the pictures! She was so funny about it. I kept telling her to ‘smile’ and she would give me the looks that we just love. I was so glad to have these pictures finally. Now I just have to find here teachers and friends for more pictures!

Tomorrow I am not planning on coming back to the Internat. I was sad to learn that her other brother, Bogdon, is planning to come with Artoym tomorrow. I told Artoym to let me know if they wanted me to come and meet him tomorrow when he is there. Hopefully they will be coming back on Tuesday. It was nice to hear that Artoym wants to know exactly when we plan to take her from Zaparozhya so he can be sure that all of her family is at the train station to say goodbye Unfortunately she never had any of them visit her or none of them has the means to actually help her. She hasn’t seen any of them in years – since being placed here.

She informed me today that she would really like to play the piano and take dance lessons along with her singing lessons with my neighbor, Celene. She will be one very busy girl!

We left to come home and on our drive Kim and I discussed our big dinner plans. We decided to go out for a walk and get some groceries to cook dinner. We made vegetable fajitas with tortillas the size of those saucer sleds! They were so delicious. We are enjoying the chocolate and junk food they have here. It was fun to see most of my boys again tonight. Mostly I am just getting excited to start thinking of coming home!