Another Week Goes By~

I've been thinking a lot this week about all of the changes we have gone through as a family and I think that I haven't had as good of an attitude as I should. I really am over-the-moon happy about having Victoria in our family and I hope that when I vent or complain about certain things it isn't misunderstood in any way.

This week I had the unfortunate opportunity to spend a night 'out of town' with Ethan. My friend lost her 6 year old son, James, this past week. It was a tragic accident and really affected me and Ethan. We were able to find people to help with the kids at home and we drove to be there for the viewing and the funeral. I really enjoyed my time alone with Ethan to visit and play just the two of us. It was a bit interesting to me that when I told Victoria the night before that I was leaving for a funeral her first response was, "you coming back?" Man, that really hit me. She isn't used to having parents 'come back' for her. I told her of course I was coming back and she seemed satisfied. It was interesting though. She was interested in when I was leaving and if I'd be home before she went to bed. I left her a note on her bed that google translate helped me write.

Ethan and I had a great drive. We talked about all sorts of things. One of the harder topics was that this was his friend and now he is dead. He was really his friend's younger brother who Ethan was also friends with and Ethan was concerned with what he should say to his friend when he saw him. He also was sad to think that someday he could have his brother die too. Pretty heavy driving topics for a Mom and an 8 year old on a road trip. We decided that he didn't have to worry about what to say or what to do, but that whatever he did would be perfect. He had a hard time at the viewing and really needed to just be with me to get out his emotions. He kind of went a bit nuts because he couldn't really express what he wanted to. It was almost too much for him to even understand what was happening.  He was really excited for us to go out to dinner together.  He loves our alone time almost as much as I do.

The next day he just wanted to play in the pool before the funeral and that was great. He is so friendly to other kids. He made friends with the other family who was there and shared his pool toy. He makes me so proud! The funeral was inspiring and touching. My friend is one amazing woman. I left there feeling like a better person and renewing my goals to be a little better everyday.

This past week was the last real week of school. I came home and immediately had Mason's school 5K the next day.   This is Mason's great teacher..  We 'ran' with her a lot this race.  She is another amazing lady.  I tell you, Mason can find the most amazing people to surround himself with!

Ezra thought that was awesome, but my plan to have him ride on Mason's wheelchair backfired completely. It was a long (and not quite complete) 5K for us! Mason loved it though. The school hopefully earned a lot of money for their technology goal. 
This was how we started the race....

This was how Ezra invisioned the race going...

 Along the way there were plenty of piggy back rides and tantrums thrown...

 We made it though.  Ez was one proud racer.

I think that the best news was that Victoria and the rest of the boys were happy to see me and glad that I came home!~

The past few weeks..

Has anyone out there ever used Rosetta Stone?  My friend gave me the Russian one and the activation code wouldn't work, so after a few weeks that is finally up and running for me.  We just bought the English one for Victoria.  She gets pretty frustrated by it, but I'm hoping that it is something for her to use and practice to improve her English.  She is HATING learning English.  It's funny (not really in the laughing way) because when we ask her about it she says she really likes learning English and is excited to learn and speak.  This is a lesson in believing actions over words.  I was explaining that to her yesterday when we were having a 'conversation' about her resistance to learning or speaking English.  She honestly believes that she is doing everything that she can to learn the language.  I see things very differently!  We had a discussion about a lot of things actually.

 Things seem to be overall improving.  I think that time will do the trick in our case.  I just hope that we have enough of it.  I am starting to really panic over the summer.  What in the world am I going to do?!  Victoria gets bored while we are playing games or watching movies! We did have the opportunity to go and visit one of her friends from Matveevka orphanage who happened to be adopted the week before she was to a family who lives just over an hour away.  She really liked that.  They have fun calling and talking on the phone.  I just wish I knew what they were saying!

 A lot has happened around here these past few weeks.  The biggest news right now is that my Mason is now 7.  I really can't explain how that happened.  My preemie newborn tiny baby boy who was never supposed to make it through his first few months, and then would never make it to a year, then to 2 years, etc. is now in fact 7!  He's my safe place.  I am at least Ethan and Victoria's safe place right now, maybe even Ezra's, but when I need to just feel better and talk to someone who won't judge what I am saying and will just give me the love I need I go to Mason.  It may be a big burden to place on such a young man, but he seems to be handling it with a smile! 

 Mason is nearly always happy.  He likes to entertain himself, but he loves to play.  He is very social and loves his teachers and friends at school and church.  His happy place is in a doorway.  He loves himself a good door.  He's a lot of fun to watch.   

 I really love it when he gets all chatty and just jabbers while he plays.  It makes your heart warm and happy to see him happy and it just breaks your heart to see him sad.  His emotions are so pure and real that you can't help get sucked into them.  He is our angel.   

 Mason's aunt Karie helped him open his presents this year.  He really liked that I think.

 I have mentioned before that I think my kids are magic.  I really do.  It's weird how they can be so welcoming and look past the obvious and the things that may be intimidating to some and can just see the potential.  I think that Mason is the mastermind behind the magic act.  He is the one who can teach people how to open up and be themselves.  He makes it easy to love if you just give him the chance to teach you.  He has already changed Victoria.  It's amazing. 

 The other great news around here is that both Mason and Victoria have been accepted into Shriner's Hospital.  That basically means that they will be treated and taken care of free of charge to our family.  I won't go into details about why Vika is being seen there because she is a bit embarrassed and overwhelmed by it all, but Mason is hopefully being seen in the Cerebral Palsy clinic as well as Orthopedics and Equipment!  This was big for us.

 Mason makes a lot of friends and as a benefit of being his mom I get to know some of the most amazing people.  There is one person who is going to school to become a physical therapist who volunteers his time and comes to our home to stretch and work with Mason every week.  That in itself is a huge blessing for me and for Mason.  He is putting together a fundraiser 5K run for our family to benefit and assist us in paying back our 3 adoption loans!  I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  What a blessing for our family.  We really did just follow our hearts and felt truly inspired to do everything we could to get to Ukraine to ask Victoria to be a part of our family but now we are trying to pay for it!  I'm sure I will post more information about the 5K, but keep it in mind to join us and spread the word.  It is scheduled to take place on July 16th.  Please, please, please come! 

Ethan is doing great with his baseball.  It's so much fun for me to go and watch him play.  I think that he gets bored sometimes in the outfield and has a hard time staying interested in the entire game, but that should come, right?!  He's very excited for summer and swim team.  I am looking for a place to take him for private lessons a few times to help him improve his strokes.  Let me know if you know anyone.

Ezra loves to go watch baseball.  He really wants to play and practices at home with his bat and his tee.

 Victoria isn't really a big baseball fan yet.  At least we get her there!

 Ezra is the Tasmanian devil.  He is everywhere!  He is so much fun and so adorable though that I hardly notice the destruction that follows him.  He is my little shadow and I can't tell you enough how amazing it is to be home and not have to leave him for work.  I love it.  I adore this little boy and can't get enough of him. 

 It's nice to have a minute to sit and write about what we are up to.  I feel sad that I can't write daily blog updates anymore.  Life is taking up a lot of my time!  I am hopeful that we can stick to our new plans for practicing English.  I copied my friend's idea of using poker chips as 'money/time' but put my own spin on it.  I have given her a poker chip for every 30 minutes she practices English.  I have a few items that she really wants and have put a price in 'English minutes' on them.  It hasn't really taken off yet because the price for the thing she wants the very most is pretty steep and it feels daunting right now.  I hope that it works for her though. We are also trying to have a better attitude about young women's!  This week they gave all of the girls these aprons.  She wasn't very nice about them because she didn't really like it, but she put it on and smiled for the pictures.  (That was a huge step of progress by the way!)

I've been thinking a lot today about my new friends who are in Ukraine right now and some that are just preparing to start this process in the next week.  I am so happy to be past the stage they are in, but even this recent I am oddly a bit jealous of them going to Ukraine!  It's a surprising feeling for me to have, I must admit!  I didn't think I would like the thought of going back there for years, but it only took me a month.

I suppose I should check on the fans drying out the flood in the basement for now.  I've decided to make a bigger effort to get to my blog more often.  Thanks for reading.

Life going on..

Has it been 3 weeks!? We are starting to settle in as well as can be expected.  First of all I have to address a question that since my last post has gotten me several emails and facebook messages!...  She did cut her hair, 6", about a week after we got home.  She can no longer sit on her hair, but it does still pass her waistline.  We bought a big clip thing that she really loves and twists her hair up in everyday.  It only looks shorter but is still all there and very long. 

There are definitely challenges still. There are boundaries being challenged, by all of the kids! I have the added fun of the 'testing the Mom' excitement. She is really pushing me to see how I will respond to things. I don't even think it is a conscience thing for her. It's pretty obvious for me though. We have the same confrontations. I think that on some strange level she likes me reminding her to do things. It's like she wants me to pay enough attention to her to notice that she isn't changing her socks or hasn't brushed her teeth. She whines about it, but it sort of feels like she likes it.

Victoria still hates any sort of change. She absolutely without any doubt hates to go anywhere! Once we are at the destination (depending on if it's boring shopping or visiting family) she opens up and really enjoys herself. We just still have to struggle to go anywhere. We had a family home evening at my parents last night and she did not hide the fact that she did not want to go. She was very forceful and loud and whiney about it even! It maybe took 90 seconds for her to start enjoying herself, and she was darling and fun the entire time we were there! Jeckyl and Hyde! I would like to just point out..  Vika is 16 years old.  My son Ethan and his cousin Riley who are next to her are both 8 years old..  yea, she's small!

 She got very excited about the hunting.  She was everyone's 'helper.'  As soon as she was finished she was searching to help everyone else find their eggs. 

 My Mom, my Heidi, Vika, and Syd.  Cute girls on a very nice spring day!

 Spencer is always the 'egg hider.'  This year my Mom hid some of the eggs before he came.  He loves the job.

 I had to catch Ethan to get a picture of his face.  He is very good at avoiding the camera.  He always has a good time when we go visiting people and family.

 After the hunt a grass fight broke out between Spen and Vika.  He always wins.  She made a few good plays, but really didn't stand much of a chance.  He sure doesn't go easy on her!  She loves it.

 My baby egg hunter only lasted a few minutes until he hunted out the swing set. 

We are still struggling very severely with English. I don't even think it's the actual language as it is the resisting to try. The more I think about it the more I think it is the only thing in her world she feels she has complete control over. She knows how desperately we want her to try and she knows that we can't make her learn it. We can make her sit at a desk with books and flashcards, but there isn't a shred of desire to try at this point. That is by far my biggest frustration.

Ethan is getting better with his emotional struggles. He adores Vika. I overheard him talking to his buddies about how awesome his big sister is. He was telling them about how funny she is and that she is extra ticklish. He's amazing. He loves her without expecting one morsel of anything in return. He started his machine pitch baseball this week. He did great his first game. The team won! He even got a hit! I was so happy. He has improved over the winter. I suppose just getting older can help with that sort of thing. I think he actually likes more than just the 'costume' this season too! That makes taking him to practices and games a lot more fun.

 
Mason is magical. Without trying, or I should say, without doing anything more than being his happy loving self he is softening our new little girl. She watches him. He doesn't care and it doesn't change how he acts. She watches people with him. She sees how people look at him when we are out. She sees how her brothers and family treat him even when people are watching. It's a big change for her to understand - culturally. There have been little moments where she has, without me prompting her, made a small gesture towards him. It is HUGE. He's much stronger and probably bigger than she is so she probably won't be lifting him around much, but the fact that she tucks his puppy in with him after I have put him to bed is big for me. I cry. Mason is wonderful. We had his IEP today and the thing that was consistently talked about and discussed at length from his providers is how wonderful he is. How charming and engaging he his. The kids in his school and his class absolutely adore him. They all want to sit by him and they talk to their families about their friend Mason. He is wonderful and I know that I am so blessed to have him alive with me today because he has a mission, and he is really good at that mission!

Ezra is a whirlwind. He is my shadow. We do everything together. His language is getting so good. He can tell me now when he thinks my dinner is, "disgusting mommy" and that is important! He loves knowing what everyone is doing and where they are. He comes and reports to me if I am in a different room. He still barges in on Vika and she is getting better at having him. She really shows her true affectionate side with him. He loves to hug her and I think she really likes that he loves to hug her! He wants to be in school more than anything. He is my comic relief. I love our alone time. I'm trying to savor it all before school ends.

I think I may have lost my readers with my long absences between posts, but if you are still reading this, thank you for all of your support. I run into people at the grocery store that have been reading my blog because a friend's neighbor's cousin knows someone who told her about it! It's been fun to have the support from our community with our life changing adoption.

To be completely honest, this is still hard. It will be, but we are adjusting to the hard and we have a better idea of what our days are going to be like. We have a 3 week old and we are still trying to see what works and what doesn't! The best part is that we do have moments when we see very clearly pieces of her that are starting to come out and remind us why this is worth it. She lets herself open up just a little bit and it helps me get through the hard times. There are definitely hard times! I'm not sure if it is a good thing, but at least I'm just a bit more stubborn than she is! I find myself having to go in my closet for a little 'breath' sometimes (that is code for a little cry alone!). Weird enough it really helps and I can breathe and relax and get a handle on myself and gear up to go out and face whatever is challenging me. The lucky part is that sometimes now I get the teary moments when I need to take a moment because I get so overwhelmed at how truly amazing this whole thing is. I am so blessed to have the faith and the support to know that even when this is hard it will all be OK and work out. This is one of those moments that I will never forget. A life changing- life learning moment.

Easter Weekend Recap ~ 2 weeks home!

I know, I know.. Have I dropped of the face of the earth?! I don't think I ever imagined how busy I would be and how fast time would fly by. Things are going very well at our house right now. I say right now mostly because it is night-time and that is strangely our best time of day. Mornings are hopefully improving. Now that school is in the picture I don't think there is much option and thankfully we don't have a fight over going to school with Victoria.


My boys are doing better. The dramatic change really threw them. It's funny because they immediately were head-over-heals about Victoria. They have loved her from the moment we skyped them and told them she said she wanted us to adopt her. They never had to even meet her to love her. Kids are amazing. My kids are very amazing. I kind of think they are magic. They are somehow softening Vika up and opening up layers of her fun personality that I don't think we ever would have seen otherwise.

I think I should back up with what we have been doing since I last posted. I have a few pictures from our annual Easter Egg Launch.  I think the total number of colored and boiled eggs that came to the launch was around 16 dozen.  That's a lot of eggs.

 Ethan was very excited about going.  He loves this tradition.

 That was a very fun morning. It was very cold but is always worth it. This year was different in the sense that there were breaks in the launching. The kids played other egg games with the Easter Eggs.

Vika wouldn't try to launch any eggs unless we absolutely made her. She is funny because she really seems very comfortable around my extended family. Ethan did much better at his launching distance this year. Ezra loved it, but I think my child that has the most fun and laughs and giggles and loves it the most is Mason. He's not fond of the waiting around for his turn part of things, but when that boy gets to launch an egg off a cliff he laughs until he turns blue. It's priceless.

 
 The whole family there for the fun.  I still don't feel like I am old enough or smart enough to have 4 kids.  I keep hoping that comes soon!

For Easter we woke up and the kids found the baskets that the Easter Bunny had hidden. Ethan was really the only one who had any idea of what in the world was happening. He found his 2nd, Spencer found Mason's basket to show Vika what we were doing wandering around the house following the kids with cameras! She found Ezra's and got really excited about knowing where his was. It took her a while and a lot of hints from Spencer, but finally she found her basket. The Easter Bunny did a great job this year.  Ezra was mostly interested in the eggs that were hidden.  He found some of those fast and discovered that there were treats inside of them.  We couldn't get him interested in hunting anymore after that.

 Ethan was very excited to find his Easter basket.  It was a very fun morning.  I love spending fun times together.

 Even though she is very new to all of this, Vika sure kept up with the other kids (mostly Ethan!) all of the Easter traditional fun we have.  All of the money she and Ethan found in their plastic eggs they decided to put in their 'Bunny fund.'  O great.

 Ezra couldn't slow down enough to wait for me to take his picture.  This is as good as it gets for him when there are presents or treats involved!

 All of the kids with their Easter Baskets.  Awww.

A few days before Easter Vika was trying to show Spencer the Easter tradition she wanted us to try. It was a bread-type thing called Paska. I really am very confused with what it really is actually. I thought it was bread, but now I am thinking that there is a bread and some sort of cheese sculpture thing that accompanies it and the cheese is what is called 'paska.' Honestly I have no idea. I found a recipe from a fellow adoptive parent who already made it and said it wasn't too hard and after we had breakfast Sunday I attempted to make it. It wasn't hard at all, but it sure took a lot of time~! I was excited with how they looked and was hopeful that I got it right for her. She seemed pleased with it before we left to my sister's house for dinner. Naturally after dinner when we started cutting it up she refused to try it or have anything to do with it! I'm just hoping I get points for the effort somewhere!  This is what it looked like just out of the oven.  I forgot I would end up frosting it when I was busily decorating the tops. 

 Complete with egg white frosting.  Not particularly a sweet cake, but it tasted like bread with frosting and I suppose that's what it's supposed to be!

Monday Vika started her first day of high school.

She actually admitted her nerves as we walked in. We were a bit late, but that didn't really bother her. We found a map and went to her first class. Her schedule is a very elective-filled schedule with barely any content, but honestly the education of anything other than the English is not what I am going for! She started the day in Foods. Her other classes are Drawing, Aerobics, Seminary, Chorus, and 3 English as a 2nd language classes. We walked to her class and I walked her in to introduce her to the teacher. It was pandemonium in that room. They were separated into groups making scones and at one point we got to witness the smothering of a grease fire. That is one way to instill confidence in a mother who is really unsure of leaving her daughter in a classroom with no way to communicate with anyone!

I left her there with a group of students and went back to talk with the counselor who is helping us with Vika. He made arrangements at my request to have a member of the student council be assigned to Vika for the day to walk her from class to class and make sure that she doesn't get too lost! I really think that will help. The girls who are befriending her seem very nice. She had a great first day from what I could gather from her when I went to pick her up. I know she was terrified because when we came home she dropped. She literally slept for 4 hours! I was relieved to know she enjoyed herself.

The rest of the week has been pretty routine which honestly feels nice.

We have had our moments with each of our kids where we have to win the battle of wills, but it's feeling more normal. Not totally normal, but more normal.

I am enjoying being home for my days rather than going to work and leaving my Ezra with a babysitter for the day. He is so funny and fun to be with. He gets so excited about everything. I love it. Mason has been stressed at times, but he is doing great. I went to his school with Ezra for a little visit and we were able to watch him in his 'pony-walker.' That boy can sure cruise around the halls at school in that thing. I am still very sensitive and emotional so you know I cried at the sight of him. He is so darling and so inspiring to watch. I just think when I see him that if he can live his life with a smile on his face, I have no room to complain. Too bad I still do... Something to work on I suppose.

Ethan started his baseball season. I really think that he only kind of likes it, but he does it and we love to watch him. He is such a smart kid. He loves to tell bedtime stories lately and I am loving hearing his imagination come through.

Ezra is my child who loves to have his picture taken.  We have had some fun times together.  He especially loved driving Big Bird at Walmart today.

 This face is one of the reason's I am not missing Ukraine.  They don't have this face there.

 Ezra wanted to tuck Mason into bed tonight.  I suppose he is taking over for Ethan now that he is sharing a room with Mason.  Ethan decided that 3 brothers in one little room was too much for him.  He wanted some space so he moved downstairs to his own room.  Mason sure misses him.  I'm sure he understands though.

Someday Spencer and I will spend more than a fleeting moment together. I'm sure by then we will have another crazy thing to be blogging about! It's been a good week and I hate to admit the weekend scares me, but I'm sure we'll do great. I'm still in the one hour at a time mode. I'll make it that far though, I'm just sure of it!